Self Confidence & Body Image: Week 4

At the start of June, I set myself the challenge of working to improve my self-confidence and body image. The plan was to do some research, get some advice from other people who've been in a similar situation, try the ideas out and see if I can find something that works for me.

It took a lot of guts for me to post the first post in this series. I considered deleting it numerous times before it went live, but I'm glad I went through with it.

This month has taught me that the key to self-confidence is learning to love yourself.

Credit

That's not an easy thing to do. It often requires a big change in mindset (or in my case it did anyway). You have to move your focus away from your weaknesses and onto your strengths, accept your flaws, trust yourself and your decisions, and remember that the only opinion of you that matters, is your own. What other people think is irrelevant.

The same as numbers are irrelevant. I'm an accountant so I spend quite a lot of my life looking at numbers, calculating numbers, analysing numbers. I like numbers, but they're not good to run your life by.

I used to weigh myself every day, and found that my mornings used to start off quite negative as I was very rarely happy with what I saw. So, I banned myself from going on the scales this month. It took a while to get rid of the urge to just jump on and check, but when I started to notice the changes in my body I felt happier. Like I could tell my hard work was paying off, without actually seeing a change in the number.

I did jump on the scales this morning, out of curiosity, and I was disappointed to see it had gone down by less than a lb in the past four weeks. I know my body has changed, and I was expecting to see a big drop in the numbers. But it wasn't there.

I've had time to process what the scales told me, and I'm beginning to feel less annoyed and quite pleased about it. Because it made me realise that confidence doesn't come from a number, it comes from how you feel.

Yes I have a goal weight I'd love to achieve, and yes that goal weight is in numerical form. But there's no guarantee that when I reach that I'll be happy. So, going forward, I'm still going to weigh myself, but only once a month and I'm going to start taking more notice of my NSVs (non-scale victories). If I get to a weight where I'm happy, I like the way I look, I'll ignore the number on the scales and just try and keep myself at that body state.

The past four weeks have definitely been a journey, but I know I haven't completely overcome my lack of self confidence. I still have a long way to go. But there have been instances where I could see progress in my journey.

I made a decision, and didn't regret it

I've said it a few times, I am rubbish at making decisions. Particularly when they are big, important and affect other people. This month I had a big decision to make at work, and I tormented myself over it for a good few days. Then I woke up one morning, a decision set in my mind, and I felt happy. It's been a couple of weeks now since that moment, and I haven't looked back and regretted it. I've found out other things since then that if I knew at the time might have changed my decision, but I'm happy with what I made and I know it will work out right in the end.

I stood at the front of a room full of people, and didn't get embarrassed

Large groups and crowds of people have always made me nervous. Standing up in front of them and knowing they're watching me is even worse. But this night I embraced it. They were just people. Other women from my professional sitting in the same room as me wanting to learn about colours. They weren't there to judge me, make fun of me, or anything like that. They were there to learn, same as I was, about what (in theory) suits them. I was stood at the front of that room getting a mini 1/1 consolation in what I wanted to learn. I embraced it, took it all on board and didn't once thing about what the people sat around the rest of the tables thought. It felt good.

I bought a bikini, tried it on, and decided I'm keeping it

I've never worn a bikini on holiday. Partially because I don't normally go anywhere hot enough to wear a bikini, but largely because I always felt too fat to wear one. The last couple of years I have always said that I wanted to wear a bikini on holiday, and I've bought a few but always ended up returning them because I always felt like I looked horrible in them. This year, that changed. I bought a bikini, tried it on and actually thought "this looks alright". I took a picture and sent it to my boyfriend, just to show someone that I had a bikini and I liked it. But then I did my usual and picked out the flaw in it. "My tummy is definitely my worst feature" was what I said, then I stopped and told myself off. Told myself I shouldn't be doing that, I shouldn't pick out my negative bits, I should pick out my positive bits. So I did. "My boobs look pretty good in that bikini top" and "My legs look pretty toned and good too". I felt better instantly in myself for doing that, and I'm actually looking forward to wearing my bikini this summer holiday.

I've learnt a lot this month, and I feel a lot happier in myself because of it.

I'm proud of my journey and what I've achieved. 

This post marks the end of my Self Confidence & Body Image challenge for June. I won't be posting weekly about what I've learned or achieved, but I don't want to start July and just put this all behind me. It's a subject I've enjoyed exploring, and I want to continue exploring. I want to keep trying new ideas, speaking to new people and sharing their stories about their journeys. I want to inspire someone else to try this, to help someone else out there who's struggling. I've started a Pinterest board where I'll link some inspirational quotes/links on the subject, and I'm going to try and post something once a month on the topic.

If you'd like to do a guest post on the topic, share any ideas or help in any way drop me a message. I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks to everyone who's helped me this month. Thanks to everyone on twitter, the authors of the books and articles I've read. Thanks to my good friend Hollie for sharing her story on how dance helped her.

Sarah x

Guest Post: Hollie - Pole dancing and burlesque, a journey in confidence and body image

Hey everyone! Today I have a very special guest post from a friend of mine, Hollie. She's here today to share her story on how pole dancing and burlesque helped her with her confidence and body image. Hope you all enjoy!

Credit to: Faceiro Photography

Think Hermione from Harry Potter or Sandy at the start of Grease and you get the idea of what I was like before pole and burlesque entered my life. I was (and still am to an extent) a nerdy introvert, but now I'm happy enough to strut my stuff on stage and am a lot more outgoing. So how did the transformation start??

I started pole dancing just before entering my final year as an undergraduate at Northumbria University in 2011. This was as a result of agreeing with friends that we wanted to try some form of dance and pole seemed like fun. We all signed up and went along to our first class. I was hooked straight away and have regularly attended lessons ever since, going to different studios as and when I have moved to study. These days I'm a qualified instructor regularly teaching in Nottingham.

What influenced me to start burlesque was my love of the film 'Burlesque' and the performer Dita Von Teese. The film and performer made me interested in the art form so I ended up going to see a show in Newcastle when I was studying for my undergraduate degree. I also went along to a workshop which was interesting, but I was never brave enough to regularly go to classes until last year. I moved to Nottingham in 2013 to study for a PhD and thanks to new friends I ended up doing a pole performance as part of a burlesque showcase for 'The Scarlet Ribbon School Of Burlesque' in 2014. That was the push I needed to start regularly attending burlesque lessons; all thanks to meeting the lovely ladies at the showcase and them making me realise that yes I can do this!

Credit To: Hollie Harvey

Pole and burlesque are lots of fun and strangely addictive. Pole because of the adrenaline factor in learning new moves and burlesque because you can be whoever you want to be and the act of taking items of clothing off onstage is very daring even if it is only gloves that you remove.

Both pole and burlesque have a real sense of community and it is like joining a family rather than just making friends, which is one of the major benefits you gain a support network of strong ladies (and men). Another benefit is fitness, they are a real workout, in pole you are often holding your own weight and in burlesque running through routines really builds stamina. I have dropped 3 dress sizes in 4 years of pole dancing and gained a whole load of muscle as well as flexibility which helps with the dancing in Burlesque.

Pole has helped my confidence as well as body image by making me appreciate what my body is capable of. When I first started pole I was learning new things every week, it still amazes me that one week I can do something I couldn't last week! Gaining that strength and control is so empowering.
Burlesque makes you focus on how you move your body and what looks flattering. You get to see yourself in the best light possible which makes you feel sexy and really feminine which for me was a real confidence boost as well.

Another way that both pole and burlesque helped with my body image was realizing that we come in all shapes and sizes, and guess what...they all deserve to be celebrated!! In burlesque this is particularly highlighted as it really celebrates the female form. Everyone has something they don't like about themselves but what is more important is that everyone has something they do like. I think that unless you do a form of dance you can miss out on developing a real appreciation of what real women look like. The image in society a lot is based on magazines; this is something that is really difficult to explain.

Credit to: Vapour Trail Photography

Both pole and burlesque have helped improve my confidence so much because they encouraged me to be more outgoing and stop being as shy as I was. Performing added a whole other level of confidence. Having the courage to get up on stage and overcome those nerves made me realize I can do more than I thought possible. It has been so long since I did my first pole performance now I can't remember exactly what that was like, but I do know that I am still petrified every time before the music starts. Competing was again different as it brings another level of pressure with being judged and marked on what you do.

The first pole competition I did was in March 2014 and I was entered in the advanced category (no pressure there then!) this made me focus and actually improved my confidence as it made me realise how far I had come and what I was capable of. My first burlesque performance was in December 2014; again the nerves were really bad but the adrenaline and sudden confidence as I became someone else for those few minutes was the most amazing thing.

Since becoming a pole dance instructor in October last year my confidence has soared. One of my biggest fears as an introvert is standing up in front of a crowd and talking so leading a class for the first time was petrifying but I did it and now I'm totally in control (I'd like to think) and confident up there these days.

So that is my story and ongoing journey to improved self-confidence and body image :)

Many thanks to all the pole and aerial studios I have trained in based in Newcastle, Durham and Nottingham (there are far too many to mention)

A massive thank you to 'The Scarlet Ribbon School Of Burlesque'

xxxxxx

Self Confidence & Body Image: Week 3

This week has been a pretty good week! The dramas at work have quietened down meaning I've been able to concentrate more on my challenge. I've continued with my running on a morning which is really making me feel good about myself. I can see my body changing (finding it very hard to keep off the scales to see if my numbers are dropping), and I feel much more awake and happier when I get to work. It's definitely helping.

I went back to my dance group this week. I was a bit tired when I got there and my mind wasn't quite as switched on as I thought it would be so I struggled to pick up the routine. I knew I wasn't top notch at it, but when I got a copy of the recording I realised how far behind everyone else I was. It was pretty embarrassing! I stood out so much and looked like such an idiot. But instead of dwelling on it, I accepted it and made the effort to move past it. I've spent the past week re-learning the choreography from the video so that tomorrow at rehearsal I can give it a better go.

I'm not the best performer, but I enjoy it, and I'm willing to work to improve. Not going to worry about one bad rehearsal any more or let it put me off.

The point at which I really noticed my confidence improving was on Thursday. I was invited to attend a Colour Me Beautiful event being run by Ernst & Young Women's Network with one of my work colleagues. The event was well attended and EY had provided us with food and drinks for throughout the night.

Our colour consultant talked us through the different colours, she asked for anyone who thought they were in the Light category to step up to the front. I was one of about five that did. She took a look at all of us, asked a couple of questions and decided I was the perfect example of a Light and volunteered me for her demonstration.

I hate being focus of attention in front of a room full of people. I normally start to fidget, my cheeks start to flush, and I get quite panicky. This night I didn't. I could feel myself fidgeting at the beginning, but I had a mental word with myself, stood up straight and just embraced it.

I didn't blush. I didn't panic. I didn't shake. I didn't fidget. I actually enjoyed it.

As her first volunteer of the night I got quite a good consultation for free. She told me I was a Light Cool, and that I'd suit very subtle colours, and blue based colours (rather than yellow based ones). The only thing I shouldn't be wearing is black. (I was wearing a black cardigan at the time).

Although she didn't really tell me much that I didn't already know, it gave me a bit of confidence in picking out outfits to wear.

When I started this challenge, I wasn't quite sure what the outcome would be. I thought I might find some good advice and make some small changes in my life, but I never thought that after 3 weeks I would feel as different as I do. Maybe setting your mind to something does make a difference.

Sarah x

Self Confidence & Body Image: Week 2

For those of you following my June journey, you might remember that I set myself a bit of homework last week; to write a list of my strengths and weaknesses. The point being that if I can identify my strengths, I can build upon them, and if I can identify my weaknesses, I can learn to accept them and move forward.

Strengths

Willing to help others                         Can see the bigger picture

Trustworthy                                        Team player

Meets deadlines                                  Honest

Self-Motivated                                    Good with computers

Quick learner                                      Want to improve myself

Can look after myself                          Independent

Weaknesses

Decision making                                Don’t like to say ‘No’

Over thinks things                             Speaking in front of large groups of people

Trust people too easily                      Spend too much time worrying about what other people think

Unfortunately, I don’t think this exercise had as much impact as I hoped for. Listing my strengths and weaknesses is something I do every year as part of my work appraisal, and something I’ve done as part of job applications all through university. I found listing my strengths to be just as easy as writing a list of weaknesses, and none of the weaknesses I thought of were things that I hadn’t already realised over the past few years.

My challenge now is to move forward by accepting my weaknesses and building upon my strengths. Luckily I had an opportunity to do that this week.

Work's been...interesting....the past few days. As a result of something that was announced last Tuesday morning, I had a big decision to make. Do I apply for a new role within the company? Or not?

This gave me the opportunity to really test my ability to make decisions. I failed massively at over thinking it, spending 3 days arguing with myself over every little detail. I ended up overthinking so much I dreamt about the decision, and it's outcome, and as a result didn't get much sleep last week. I talked to a few different people to get their views and opinions on what the right decision was, and took on board their comments. But annoyingly no one would make the decision for me.

Amazingly though, I woke up on Friday morning feeling very relaxed and calm, something that I hadn't felt all week. And I'd made a decision.

I was so proud of myself for coming to a decision, and I knew it was the right thing to do for me. I went to work and told people the decision I'd come to and I didn't start to re-question it. Definite progress! Let's hope I can keep this up.

I’ve also tried this week to continue with my #ILoveMyselfBecause tweet challenge, but from Thursday I must admit I forgot about tweeting it. This week at work was a bit overwhelming and I just completely forgot about it. I'm still finding this challenge hard, I can't think of a new reason every day as to why I love myself. But I'm persevering.

Monday - #ILoveMyselfBecause it’s 7am & I’ve already been for a run & showered. I’m normally still in bed.

Tuesday - #ILoveMyselfBecause I am good at finding nice restaurants to eat at.

Wednesday - #ILoveMyselfBecause I try my hardest to do what is right all the time.

Thursday - #ILoveMyselfBecause I’ve found something I love to do. Dance. And it’s a brilliant distraction from the world.

Friday - #ILoveMyselfBecause I woke up knowing that I’d made the right decision.

Saturday - #ILoveMyselfBecause my hair is in good condition (felt so proud when my hairdresser told me).

Sunday - #ILoveMyselfBecause I'm the expert popcorn maker in my relationship.

This week I'm off to a colour me beautiful event. I'm not quite sure what to expect as it's an event through work, but I'm hoping to learn some tips on style and colours that suit me. I tend to dress in a very smart-casual style that covers the body bits I don't like, and is comfortable. But maybe I'll be able to find stuff that suits me better and build by confidence? We'll see how it goes.

Sarah x

Self Confidence & Body Image: Week 1

Last week I set myself a challenge to improve my self confidence & body image (if you haven't already done so, you can read the post here) and whilst I haven't had an over night miracle, I have made some progress in the last 7 days.

Realising that I needed to make some changes to my life wasn't an easy decision, but once I made it I had no idea actually how to do it. So after my post went live, I took to twitter to try and find some advice and inspiration. Luckily I found just that.

Blogger chats are something I was aware of, but never even thought to participate in. Last week I just happened to stumble upon one whilst it was happening and made the decision to take part. I'm so glad I did as a I met some pretty amazing bloggers.

As part of the #HappySelves chat, I shared my blog post and asked for some advice. I got a lot of responses with advice (big thank you if you were one of those who sent me something) and a challenge from @Lace_and_Grace. She challenged me to tweet one thing I like about myself every day for a week.

I accepted Lucie's challenge and began my daily #ILoveMyselfBecause tweets. It's not easy to think of something I love about myself. I did my usual on day 2 and tried to hide behind a joke (saying I look cute as an owl), but decided if I was to do this I needed to take it seriously. So since then I've tried to step it up a bit.

The challenge was fun to do, and I'm going to continue to do it for the rest of the month. Lucie's challenge taught me that I could easily write a list of things I don't like about myself, but finding things I do like is hard. That needs to change.

A few months ago I went to a Personal Branding seminar at work. It was held the day after my Granddad died, so I wasn't in the best frame of mind to take things in. But one thing I remember was a comment the Professor made about strengths and weaknesses.

He told us that if we spent 5 minutes writing a list of our weaknesses, we'd be able to write at least ten. But if he asked us to spend 5 minutes writing a list of our strengths, we'd really struggle. We spend too much time focusing on the weaknesses and always say we want to turn our weaknesses into our strengths, but actually once you've past the age of 5 (I think he said) you can't make a weakness a strength. So why focus on them? Just accept them and move on.

I've set myself the exercise for this week to come up with a list of my strengths and weaknesses. From there, I have to try and build upon my strengths, and accept my weaknesses. If I can do that, then hopefully I can build up my confidence from there.

Sarah x

Self-Confidence and Body Image

Credit to: GirlTalkHQ

My Mum and I went shopping the other week for some clothes for our holidays. As we were walking through one shop she said to me “I wish I could buy something and not care what other people think about me wearing it”. I had to agree, I wish I could do that too. But what made this worse was her next comment. “I’ve passed those thoughts down on to you, and if anything I think you’re worse than I am.”

I’ll always admit it, I am extremely self-conscious and constantly worry about what people think of me. It’s something I’ve always been aware of and stems back from when I was bullied at school. I was never a cool kid and was quite often the butt of people’s jokes, and it did knock my confidence. But I was surprised to hear my Mum say that she thought my lack of self-confidence was worse than what hers was.

If she’d said we were just as bad as each other I’d have agreed, but what she said made me think. Am I actually worse than her? And the more I thought of it, the more I realised, yes I am actually worse than her.

I'm 5ft 5in tall, weigh less than 11 stone, have a healthy BMI rating and wear a UK size 14 in clothes.  Compared to the numbers posted in a 2013 Guardian article, I’m below the size of an average UK woman. But yet I still feel like I need to be on a diet to lower my weight.

I've had my gym membership for a year now, and it's only in the last 2 months that I've managed to go to any classes. Why? Because I was terrified of what to expect. What if I couldn't keep up? What if I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing? I did exactly the same the other weekend when considering signing up to a different class. It took me so long to debate whether I should go or not, that by the time I actually went to sign up it was full.

When it comes to clothes shopping I'm a nightmare. I don't like anything that shows of my tummy, I don't really like clothes that show off the tops of my arms, I don't like anything that clings and I very rarely wear a dress or skirt without tights on underneath. My good old faithfuls are jeans and jumpers for casual days, and a dress, cardigan and tights for work. I have a large chest, which makes it really difficult to buy nice tops/bras/dresses/shirts and I've actually been so unhappy about them that I've stood in the changing rooms crying before because I couldn't get anything nice.

I thought my confidence was growing at work. I get on brilliantly with everyone in our department and will happily argue my case with people in the building when I know I'm right and they are wrong. But ask me to talk to someone and apply my technical knowledge and I really question my abilities. I've passed the exam and proved I know the subject, so why do constantly need to question what I know? And the other week when I had to present to an entire room of people on my own, I panicked even though I knew the presentation slides inside out.

I'm 23 years old. I shouldn't be doubting myself, putting myself down and criticising myself. That's not what life is about. If I want to achieve everything I've dreamt of in my life, I need to improve my attitude towards life and this has given me a kick start.

I actually had the chance to join a six week body confidence class last month. There was a competition on facebook where all you had to do was post a comment saying why you wanted to attend the course. I bottled out of doing it because I was too worried what people who saw it might think of me and my reasons for attending the course. How stupid is that?

So, it's time to overcome this issue and move on with my life. June is going to be focused on improving my self-confidence and my body image. I've set myself a number of challenges for each week and I'll be blogging about how I've done, the struggles I've had, and whether I think I'm improving as a person because of it. I'm also ditching the scales for the month and focusing on being healthy and not just on seeing the numbers on the scales dropping. Plus, to share some other tips and ideas, I have some guest posts lined up with friends of mine who will share different things that they've found helped improve themselves.

Wish me luck!

Sarah x