Self-Confidence and Body Image

Credit to: GirlTalkHQ

My Mum and I went shopping the other week for some clothes for our holidays. As we were walking through one shop she said to me “I wish I could buy something and not care what other people think about me wearing it”. I had to agree, I wish I could do that too. But what made this worse was her next comment. “I’ve passed those thoughts down on to you, and if anything I think you’re worse than I am.”

I’ll always admit it, I am extremely self-conscious and constantly worry about what people think of me. It’s something I’ve always been aware of and stems back from when I was bullied at school. I was never a cool kid and was quite often the butt of people’s jokes, and it did knock my confidence. But I was surprised to hear my Mum say that she thought my lack of self-confidence was worse than what hers was.

If she’d said we were just as bad as each other I’d have agreed, but what she said made me think. Am I actually worse than her? And the more I thought of it, the more I realised, yes I am actually worse than her.

I'm 5ft 5in tall, weigh less than 11 stone, have a healthy BMI rating and wear a UK size 14 in clothes.  Compared to the numbers posted in a 2013 Guardian article, I’m below the size of an average UK woman. But yet I still feel like I need to be on a diet to lower my weight.

I've had my gym membership for a year now, and it's only in the last 2 months that I've managed to go to any classes. Why? Because I was terrified of what to expect. What if I couldn't keep up? What if I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing? I did exactly the same the other weekend when considering signing up to a different class. It took me so long to debate whether I should go or not, that by the time I actually went to sign up it was full.

When it comes to clothes shopping I'm a nightmare. I don't like anything that shows of my tummy, I don't really like clothes that show off the tops of my arms, I don't like anything that clings and I very rarely wear a dress or skirt without tights on underneath. My good old faithfuls are jeans and jumpers for casual days, and a dress, cardigan and tights for work. I have a large chest, which makes it really difficult to buy nice tops/bras/dresses/shirts and I've actually been so unhappy about them that I've stood in the changing rooms crying before because I couldn't get anything nice.

I thought my confidence was growing at work. I get on brilliantly with everyone in our department and will happily argue my case with people in the building when I know I'm right and they are wrong. But ask me to talk to someone and apply my technical knowledge and I really question my abilities. I've passed the exam and proved I know the subject, so why do constantly need to question what I know? And the other week when I had to present to an entire room of people on my own, I panicked even though I knew the presentation slides inside out.

I'm 23 years old. I shouldn't be doubting myself, putting myself down and criticising myself. That's not what life is about. If I want to achieve everything I've dreamt of in my life, I need to improve my attitude towards life and this has given me a kick start.

I actually had the chance to join a six week body confidence class last month. There was a competition on facebook where all you had to do was post a comment saying why you wanted to attend the course. I bottled out of doing it because I was too worried what people who saw it might think of me and my reasons for attending the course. How stupid is that?

So, it's time to overcome this issue and move on with my life. June is going to be focused on improving my self-confidence and my body image. I've set myself a number of challenges for each week and I'll be blogging about how I've done, the struggles I've had, and whether I think I'm improving as a person because of it. I'm also ditching the scales for the month and focusing on being healthy and not just on seeing the numbers on the scales dropping. Plus, to share some other tips and ideas, I have some guest posts lined up with friends of mine who will share different things that they've found helped improve themselves.

Wish me luck!

Sarah x